I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
