I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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