I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
