every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
