I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Randomize
