I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
