I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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