last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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