i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
