If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I didn't notice because vodka
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
