the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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