I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
