The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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