You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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