I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
