You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
