Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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