I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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