My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
