We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
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Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
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However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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