don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
