He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize
