Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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