i'm lost and i look like a hooker
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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