i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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