lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I FOUND THE LEGS
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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