Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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