What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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