Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
