I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
