I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
