I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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