Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
