spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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