he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
