HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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