Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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