D3 body, D1 cock
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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