We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
