she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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