just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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