Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
