Quick, to the slutcave!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
