life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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