So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
