He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
