Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
