True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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