YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
