It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
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Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
40s are totally the cure
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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