I puked a lego.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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