i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
