i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
