I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
