I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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