rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
