he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
