i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Randomize
