he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
