i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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