I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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