Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
