Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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