I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
