I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How does it feel to date your dad?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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