he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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