You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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