Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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