You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
