If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
