i just had sex bonerless
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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