She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
