Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
