things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
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Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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