3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just blew my weed a kiss
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
