My first STD was from a foam party
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
