I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
