I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
