Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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