I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
