This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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