He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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