My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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