The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
