I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
