So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
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Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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