I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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