If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
